Graduation has passed. Besides being unable to understand or determine the language in which the keynote address speaker was delivering her speech, and having my name mispronounced, it was a nice ceremony. I tried to keep the celebratory mood going all weekend, but I still haven't mastered perfect grace under annoyance with my mother ... maybe one day.

Now I'm in a job hunt and I hate making these big decisions.

What is the most important factor in deciding a job? Money, opportunities, type of work?

A job I had good feelings about yesterday is now not sitting as well. My other possibility is still up in the air. I have two interviews this week-- one I am definitely over qualified for, the other is the aforementioned place in with the inappropriate questions during the interview. I hate the unknown.

boo hoo

yup yup I have a lot to catch up on, but something's on my mind.

Things that have made me cry over the past two weeks

1. I watch 'Intervention' on A & E, even though I kind of hate it. I think it simplifies addiction, the techniques used by the 'professionals' sometimes contradict social work values, and the fact that these awesome treatment facilities are private pay only, etc. AND I miss Jeff Van Vonderen. 

Nevertheless, I caught a rerun last night. The subject was not an addict per se, but rather a diabetic who rarely checked his blood sugar or took insulin and ate whatever. For some reason this episode WRECKED me. The scene where he is sitting at the restaurant by himself because his work 'friends' didn't show up and he is trying to act like he doesn't care ... I'm tearing up right now writing this. This kid broke my heart. He seemed on a better track at the end of the episode, despite getting kicked out of rehab for 'not following his treatment plan.' They didn't mention if he had friends. I usually take a more pragmatic approach to addicts, but this is a case where I wish I had a magic wand I could wave over this kid and make it all better for him, give him friends and the relationship with his dad he wants so desperately. 

2. The last episode of series 4 of Doctor Who. When the doctor has to brain wipe Donna. I have seen this episode 3 times now and every damn time I wail like a colicky baby. When Donna's grand dad says "but she was better with you.' or when the doctor says goodbye to Donna while she's gabbing on the phone ... 

That was going to be all, but I have The Learning Channel on in the background and a special on Progeria just came on ..... which leads us to 

3. Haley (who has progeria) just lost a best friend to a heart attack (this girl also had Progeria) and is writing her a card with pictures and a candy bar to take to heaven. To top it off, this girl has the cutest little british accent ... I think my heart is almost bled dry

I need some levity and some more donuts, STAT

Canned Peanut Brittle

The list for now

1. Rob and I saw Paul F. Tompkins last night ... hilarious, I laughed so hard when he was just quoting passages from Go Ask Alice, it was over when started in on the cake vs. pie debate. I think I would laugh if he read the instructions to easy mac ... he proves it's all in the delivery

2. I was not even a little bit sad to miss any sort of all day drinking festivities on St. Patrick's day weekend ... it holds no appeal and I found all the revelers wandering around my neighborhood annoying ... I am becoming my dad

3. My mom told me today she was proud of me (and expanded on the sentiment) and I can't tell you how nice that was to hear

4. This week's netflix: Speed Racer and All or Nothing 

5. Finishing a proposal in which I advise the hospital to provide outpatient medication assistance to uninsured or underinsured organ transplant recipients ... bring on the dismissive laughter

6. I almost went an entire year without someone asking me if I'm expecting ... damn you patient in the cardiac surgery clinic, and damn you empire waste jumper from target

7. I got a letter from St. Joseph's hospital informing me that they had billed my insurance for the surgery but had not received payment and asking me to call my insurance and ask them to pay on the claim ... great plan

8. My anesthesia bill is higher than the surgeon's bill ... I picked the surgeon off my insurance list ... I met the anesthesiologist while lying in the hospital bed in a fabulous gown while being wheeled into the OR. I never met the nurse anesthetist, neither are in my network. AWESOME

9. Of all the hipster attire, the one that annoys me the most is that crocheted hat worn so far back on the head (as to allow for the layered bangs to sweep forward) that it necessitates bobby pins to keep it on ... about as effective against the could as a yarmulke, what's the point?

10. I'm nervous no one will come to my birthday party ... it will be 18 all over again. 

down on my luck, caught unaware like houdini when the last fist struck

Today began the last semester of my graduate school experience, in less than five months I'll have an MSW and hopefully have some sort of meaningful employment. I already feel better about this semester. I have friends in my classes, and the material seems genuinely interesting ... I know I say that every semester. Today was a good day, but marred by some financial crises. My student loan money, while applied to my account has not come through. The bursar's office claims to have mailed it on the 9th, which makes me nervous. The past checks have come eerily quickly, like I'll get the e-mail and then the check within 24 hours. I've never been one to balance my check book meticulously, but I usually have a pretty good grasp on things ... We'll with my landlord holding my rent check for about two weeks, paying for plane tickets/hotel reservations for my cousin's wedding, doctor bills (why aren't lab fees a covered service? we can pay to treat illness but not to test for it?), car insurance payment (why did I opt for bi-annual billing?), I didn't do the math and now I'm tits up until at least next Thursday when I get paid. I have to wait at least 14 days before the bursar will even investigate my check. And so, even though I've been praised for being mature and responsible my entire life, even though I'll be effing 26 in March, I had to suck it up and borrow money from my parents so I don't bounce checks. Now, my parent's (my mom especially) are not stingy. If I borrow money, they don't make me establish exactly when and how I will pay it back. My mom used to give me cash in college when she would visit. I would try to tell her I didn't need it and she would hold the bill and say "If you don't take it, I'll throw it on the ground," and I'd none too grudgingly accept it. So it was not a problem to get the money, but it made me feel useless and hopeless. I am so afraid of managing my student loan payments on an entry-level social worker salary. 

To distract from my troubles I am finishing my journey through the four seasons of Lost, to be up to speed for the premiere of the fifth series. Watching on dvd has been such a better experience than previously. I can fully appreciate how detailed, rich and human this story is on so many levels (the damn montage's get me every time). I'm glad Rob convinced me to give it a second chance. Looking forward to learning about Claire's fate (and Jin's), and I guess I'll suck it up for all the time travel in store for this series. 

Well there's lots of smart of ideas in books i never read

It's hard to believe that 10 years ago I went to a New Years eve party where we were all so original to blast Prince's "1999" at the stroke of midnight. This year Rob and I went out to dinner, came home before my parents and watched the ball drop from my parent's living room, am I getting old? Obviously I am, but I like that at 25 I don't feel guilty or lame for having no plans other than tv watching .. a kiss of death in 99.  

Xmas break wrapped up quickly and I definitely was not in hurry to see it end like I described in the previous post. I definitely got my fill of food and sleep and which is showing in my gut ... hopefully it will take about the same time to take off as it did to put on. 

I was worried Rob would be taken aback by the family gift to him (OK, my mom's gift to him), but he seems to love his iPhone like a mother loves her newborn, so I think we're in the clear. 

I didn't make good on my promise to catch up on Lost, but I got a second wind and made it into on the second disc of season 3 ... as long as school doesn't start right in with the coursework, I just may be caught up before the premiere. 

Lastly, this is hilarious 

I'm semi-embarrassed to have read the Twilight saga. It's teenage trash literature and for me, an excellent time waster when my life was otherwise a haze of ulcer-exacerbating stress. But I do cringe at the thought of legions of teenage/tween girls swallowing it whole as the gospel (according to Joseph Smith ... but that's another story) truth. I enjoy the plot driven narrative, but understand that the lead female character is an awful combination of weak-willed, narcissistic, insecure and deluded. There is no development of the central relationship we are supposed to root for and some of the dialogue is so laughably bad it felt like parody ... but I know that. I weep for the 12 year old girl waiting for the pale guy with no sense of humor who will control her like a father for whom she can throw her future away at 18 because he likes her scent and she likes the way his muscles look under his shirt. Anyway ... this article pretty much nails Stephanie Meyer. I can take it for what it is ... but sometimes hate myself when I read some of the passages.